Did you know that aggressive behavior is primarily learned behavior? That’s why it is very important for the parents to teach their kids how to manage their anger in early childhood. This will determine their future ability to handle stressful situations and control their emotions.

Before getting to kid’s anger management we need to find out what triggers this emotional state. Reasons for child’s anger can be very different.

Here are the most common ones:

• Conflict over what a child considers his possession. It involves someone taking children's property or invading their space.
  
  
• Rejection. When a child feel that he is being ignored or not allowed to play with peers.
  
  
• Issues of compliance. When a child is asked or ordered to do something that he doesn’t want to do (like going to bed or cleaning the room).
  
  
• Verbal conflict. It involves a tease or an insult (for example, when a kid is called “bad” or “stupid”)
  
  
• Physical assault. When one child is hitting or pushing another child.

When provoked, child’s anger can be expressed in multiple ways, starting from the facial expressions and crying to physical and verbal retaliation against the provocateur. It is completely normal for a kid to express his or her irritation or unhappiness in a non aggressive way, however it is not acceptable to use violence or “though tantrums” every time something is not done his or her way.

To help the child break the anger habit, parents should help him or her develop an awareness of the events, circumstances, and behaviors of others that “trigger” the anger. This awareness also involves understanding the negative consequences that result from anger.

For example, a child is asked to pick up the toys from the floor and get ready to go to bed. He or she doesn’t want to go to bed just yet and get angry.  The child begins arguing with the parent.  At this time you should let your kid know that he or she will have to face certain consequences for both not wanting to pick up toys and misbehaving. 

I want to warn you: always “Mean What You Say and Say What You Mean”. This is the biggest mistake most parents make. They threaten the kid with the punishment and then not follow through. The kid quickly realizes that parents can be easy manipulated and uses “temper tantrums” as a powerful weapon to get what he or she wants. Your child has to learn self-control and discipline. That’s why when you warn him or her about the consequences - follow through. Only when your child will realize that you mean business.  If you aren't going to follow through forget about even saying it.

Another thing I want to draw your attention to is that you, as a parent, are a behavior model for your child. You can be most effective in helping children manage anger by acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for your own angry feelings and by expressing anger in direct and non-aggressive ways. For example, many parents display an open “road rage” while their child is in the car. That teaches the child a brand new skill set and he or she will most likely duplicate when will be old enough to drive.

So the first step in helping your child is to set a good example for them and, possibly, use some of the anger management ideas for yourself.

Here are some of the anger-controlling strategies that will help you or your child to stop the escalation of anger before it gets out of control.

For better result I suggest you use not only immediate strategies, but also preventive ones.

Preventive strategy is, for example, controlling your own behavior in front of the kid (as I mentioned earlier) or developing a special exercise program for him or her. It will help your child to get rid of both excessive energy and muscle tension. Another preventive strategy is to find out what are your kid’s sensitive areas or long – standing issues that can lead to anger. For example, the sound of chalk of scratching a blackboard or the sound of nails scratching the surface of the table.  By knowing that you can more effectively predict your child’s behavior and take preventive measures before it changes from slight irritation to anger.

Immediate strategies include deep breathing exercises or distraction (taking your child’s mind off an irritating object or subject). I especially want to explain you one of the distraction tactics called “a timeout”. Informally, a timeout means leaving the situation that is causing the escalation of anger or simply stopping the discussion that is provoking it.

For example, your child is playing a game with another kid and suddenly getting angry, because he or she feels that another kid is playing unfairly, the best solution would be to take him or her to a different room and destruct by a different activity. That will help your child to calm down.

Or let’s say you are engaged with the heated discussion or an argument with your child. Rather then letting yourself to engage in a shouting match you can call a timeout (or show it with your hand). This will let the other person know that you wish to immediately stop discussing that topic and need some time to gather your thoughts and let your anger decrease.

Believe me you won’t get any positive results from shouting anyways; just become even more frustrated and give your kid a bad anger management example.

 By using those simple strategies you’ll not only teach your child a very important skill of identifying his or her anger and knowing how to manage it. By doing just that you’ll make his or her life so much easier, because anger management is a key to a good relationship, healthy way of life and better resistance to life’s every day stress.  So if you really care about your child (and I’m sure you do) start using those strategies today and you’ll get your kid’s gratitude about 10-15 years later. J